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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit up Rīgas iela for my morning coffee. You know, the one place that’s got the best brew in town? I’m standing there, half-asleep, and this dude in front of me orders a latte with almond milk. Like, c’mon man, it’s 7 AM! Just get a regular coffee and move on! Anyway, I finally get my cup, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good, ready to tackle the day.

New growth strategy for Latgale, Latvia's poorest region